Give up.

I give up.

I give into the pain tearing me apart from the inside out.

My heart has been ripped to shreds, stomped upon and scattered to the wind.

My love, my soul-mate, my heart's desire calls others 'sweetheart', tells them they are lovely.
Asks for pictures and cell phone numbers.
Tell them they are missed and longs to be close to them.

I no longer mean anything more than someone to cook and clean.
A nanny to our boys.

How can I mean so little so soon?

How will I go on?

Please stomp a little harder,
                   I can still breathe.

Still.

There comes a day or a time that you no longer care. Perhaps, not so much that I don't care... but I expect it. I thought it would hurt more with that realization, but it doesn't. I'm finding some kind of inner strength that I did not know I have. Not only did I not know I had it, I usually don't feel like I"m strong. Perhaps that's because I've always been told I was weak and selfish. Now, Now I realize that I am strong. I might not like fighting, but yet I am still here. I still love. I still cry. I still hurt horribly, but through that, I will get stronger. I don't have a choice. I HAVE to find my strength from within if I am to stand up straight.


My porcelain face will still smile.
I can always glue myself back together, and there will forever be a smile on my face.

RollerCoaster Love

Love is like a roller coaster. It can be nerve wracking to get on the ride not knowing what its going to be like. First it will take you up to great heights and then at some point let you down, after that its ups and downs and throws you for loops. If you get off in the middle of the ride, you're bound to get hurt. But if you hang on, enjoy the ride, you'll get to the end and wish to do it all over again!

Strength

Screaming silent tears drip down my face into my feather pillow beneath my head.

Darkness hides the telltale streaks lining my face.

Silencing the sniffles.

Hiding the pain.

 

Gods above give me strength I do not possess.

Make me strong in heart and mind.

Give me courage to face another day.

Let not my feelings be revealed through my soul.

 

 

I am a Viking

I will fight the battle before me.

Crying doll

Tears fall unchecked.
Failure and hopelessness weigh heavy.
Oh to drink away my worries.
Struggling to keep my porcelain smile in place, glossy and streak free.

No choice but to follow my path, as if led by an invisible string.
I cannot choose any other, nor do I want to.
Slipping, falling, cannot get up.
Check the smile.

Praying that no one asks me.
Hoping no one will look in my eyes.
The light is fading.

Like a fire, it can be relit.
Can roar like a bonfire,
or simmer hot coals...

Hidden in the ashes, I'm still here.
Find me.
Save me.
Bring my spark back. You have the power.

Too much

Silently screaming into my pillow.
Pain ripping through my body ending in blood.
My fingernails leave cresents deep into my skin.
My teeth leaving bruises along my wrists.

Must not make a sound.
Suppress the sobbing shudders.
The pain, it is too much.

I hope you know how much I love you.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me over and over and over, break my heart, I still love you.

I am the fool that thought you cared.

The fool that thought you meant to keep your promises.

The fool who loves you no matter how much you abuse me.

I am the fool and will always because I love you.