Still.

There comes a day or a time that you no longer care. Perhaps, not so much that I don't care... but I expect it. I thought it would hurt more with that realization, but it doesn't. I'm finding some kind of inner strength that I did not know I have. Not only did I not know I had it, I usually don't feel like I"m strong. Perhaps that's because I've always been told I was weak and selfish. Now, Now I realize that I am strong. I might not like fighting, but yet I am still here. I still love. I still cry. I still hurt horribly, but through that, I will get stronger. I don't have a choice. I HAVE to find my strength from within if I am to stand up straight.


My porcelain face will still smile.
I can always glue myself back together, and there will forever be a smile on my face.

The Path

I walk along my path, sometimes there are turns. Dips and potholes. Sometimes there are hills to climb leading to a beautiful vista. Always going on. Winding its way through life. Between trees, around lakes, next to gurgling streams but always leading on.

I may wish to sit and wait for someone to carry me, but I walk on. This is my choice. My choice isto be strong, to find out how strong I really am. To push on through the pain, to see what's on the other side of this hill. As I look up I see my soulmate just standing there waiting for me to reach out and take his hand. The promise of help and support shining through his blue eyes. My babies racing on ahead, busily exploring their world, learning and growing. My bestfriends are there too. All I had to do was look up and around me. I'm not alone on this path. For now our paths all walk side by side. 

Old Writings 7

Broken and torn. Pulled in opposite directions by unseen forces. Both pulling relentlessly. Neither giving reprieve.

Torn between past and future. Past being time whithered and safe. The future gleaming. Unsure and yet so tempting. Sparkling so brightly just out of reach.

Pulled between tradition and the desires of the heart.

Aching and torn. So confused she lays her heart open. Awaiting the press of cold steel as it bites in, leaving its mark against her soul. Open and bleeding she lays there crying. Hide me. Steal me. Keep me. Lock me away forever, she cries. Never let me go. Save my heart.

Broken and bleeding she stays curled upon the hard ground. Her tears mingling with the rain as it splashes against her lifeless form. Love me. Keep me. The wind echoes the cry of her heart... keep me....