Choices

I wish to blame so many others, but the blame falls upon myself. As it should with every person. We all make choices and must live with them. The good, the bad and the oh wells. 6 years ago about at this time of year I got "I Choose" permanently inked into my skin on my wrist to remind myself, I can blame no one else. I must choose my attitude, my life. If I dont like it, I must take it upon myself to change it, or accept it.

Today I had a meltdown. Whether it be from post-partum depression, fibromyalgia, lack of help around the house, or an angry toddler pushing all his limits... it was my own choice to let it get the better of me. It all came crashing down... I no longer have anything nice. Things that started out nice are no longer nice. Be it husband getting made and throwing it, slamming it, etc'ing it. Toddler who doesn't know better or too many cats. The cats are my own fault. I can't say no to one in need. But really we have too many. I have no backbone though I need to tell some people to move theirs along. I just can't do it anymore. I dont wear stillettos, pencil skirts or paint my nails. I drive a beat up ford with over 200K on it. No AC, no cd player, nothing automatic, no damn trunk button.

Enough with that. I haven't yet figured out how I'm going to CHOOSE my path. I can't change my husband, I married him for who he is, not for what I want him to be. My son will grow up too soon. The cats... They're just being cats.